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Life at the moment

My life is an amorphous sort of thing right now. Sometime just before I left school I lost the ability to look ahead. I live very in the moment. Sometimes I know what I should do - I should get a new job, I should go out more - but it's very hard to take any action toward that end. This probably sounds bleak. I am not unhappy. I'm not at my best, but I'm far from my worst. I'm quite lonely, but I have friends, better friends now than at any previous point in my life. I don't take that for granted. I love them very much. There are things I wish I had, but not so strongly. There are things I enjoy, although not with the sort of abundant glee I have felt at times past. I wonder if it's the medication. Or my age. I am glad for things that make me smile. I am more or less content. I miss my family. I wish I had more security. I worry my computer will die and I'll be cut off from everyone. I worry I'll run into some medical expense that leaves me broke.

I thought 2014 might be better. It wasn't, really. It just happened. Perhaps 2015 is the year I've been waiting for.

I read fewer books, but more articles. I watched The Daily Show. I was more informed. I got a smart phone and spent a lot of time on Twitter, skimming for interesting links and good jokes. I didn't fall in love this year, but I did find a really nice lip gloss. I watched a lot of documentaries, and a lot of TV. I saw ten movies in the theatre, mostly with friends.

I finally colored my hair.

I didn't do much knitting. I didn't do many crafts. I bought a lot of makeup, but I've had fun with that. I baked sometimes, mostly staples: banana bread, chocolate chip cookies.

I need to read more books. I need to craft more. I need to save money. I need to meet new people. I need to get a new job. I need to exercise.


black sheep
eldritch thoughtform

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